Ready?

Quite a lot has been and gone since I last updated this:

Christmas
My last winter one for a while and the last time I'll play my flute for a good few years I think. I generally have about one gig a year with it - the watchnight service! In fact, I got it out this year and it still had the tinsel from last year on it! We had a good one this year. It was good to have Andrew back with us and we had the addition of a couple of Kiwi friends. A lot of food, way too many quizzes, an intro to Flight of the Conchords, lots of trips to the German Market, meals with friends, games nights - all comprised to be a good Christmas time!

New Year
We went to the Night Afore again this year which was brilliant - although it was a bit scary being chased by massive blow-up creatures that occasionally ate people together with red-burning flares. I didn't feel very up for Hogmanay this year! But we went and saw the fireworks which were great - it is funny to think I could be bringing in 2009 somewhere over the other side of the world. And a bit warmer!

It has been really good to spend time with various friends over the past wee while, now that I am not working, and to begin to say goodbyes. It is making me realise that it is really quite soon that I am leaving - a week on Friday! Most people ask me if I'm ready to go, if I've got everything prepared.

My answer is usually no - I don't feel ready. There is no reason for this. I've been sorting through things that I'm leaving and things that I'm taking. I've not got that much to buy, as I can't take that much! I've got my tickets and visa stuff can't really happen till I get there. It has been a bit of a running joke that I've been going on about NZ for at least about 3 years now. There is no doubt that I've had quite a bit of notice about this! So why do I not feel prepared?

Basically it is very tempting to begin to feel that I am not good to enough to be part of a ministry like that in New Zealand. I get frustrated that I have not well used the time I have had to prepare myself better for my role in NZ. I just don't feel ready.

Many people are using their blogs to review this past year - well I think the book of the Bible that God has used most to refine, challenge and encourage me this year has been Philippians. I returned to this over the weekend. Paul knew what it was like to do ministry in every situation, to be called to things he couldn't do by himself. And yet he says:

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:13

My situation is very different from this but God does not call me on the basis of me being completely ready to deal with all situations with my experience and skill. I am blessed to have had such great input from so many people and the opportunity to do a whole year of ministry training here. But God is not calling me on this basis. It is Him who is going to do it through me - I have been reminded that my part is to willing surrender to his renewing power and to minister His grace.

I was reading a link to this interview with the actor Denzel Washington from another blog earlier today. He talks of his faith and refers to a prayer his mother taught him:

"Heavenly Father, we come before thee, knee bent and body bowed, in the humblest way that we know how."